I give to you this week a hypothetical letter addressed to the biological mum. So often I hear stories of heartache and pain as stepmums desperately want the biological mum to understand and respect them in more ways than one.
Do you stop to think how your words might affect me? More importantly, do you consider how some of the things you say about me might impact your children?
I have days where I wish that you saw me as a person (like you) and someone who is contributing something really positive to the lives of your children. If you are jealous or threatened by my existence then please speak to someone so you can more through these destructive feelings. Please know I didn’t choose to be in your life. Instead I chose to love and marry your ex-husband. Having said that I do believe that having two mums is better than one and our kids are very lucky. You might see this differently.
I respect with all my heart that you are the children’s biological mother and I have no desire to intrude or destroy your relationship with them. I always speak positively about you to your kids especially when they initiate a conversation about activities you have done together. I can see how much they love you as their faces light up and they speak with great enthusiasm. I know I will never do anything to upset their unconditional love for you. On days like today I wish so desperately that you would do the same for me.
I feel so hurt when I hear the untrue things you are saying about me to your kids. I can’t believe you told them last week that I am a fake and that I don’t really care for them. Who says that to a child? I know that children can bend the truth but it is hard to not believe this when your youngest daughter is in tears asking, ‘do you like me?’ Hearing this today broke my heart. All I want is what is best for them. Your children and I do get along well. We bake cakes, we dance in the lounge room, we laugh and have so much fun! Why do you want to deny this joy to your beloved children?
I will never understand your desire to rupture and destroy what precious bonds exist between myself and your children. I shake my head as I write. While I am hurt and feel painfully misunderstood I want you to know I am not going to stop being a positive role model to your kids. I will never stop being available to them. I will never stop including them in my life. I will never deprive them of my heart and warmth. My wish is that one day you will know how unwavering your children’s love is for you. Also, I wish you to see me not as a threat but instead as a bonus in your amazing kid’s lives.
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